Not-so-Short and Not-so-Sweet.

Sometimes, I absolutely suck at being a parent. As my name states, I have maternal mess-ups all the time. Yesterday was a fail of epic proportions. I’ve never felt this bad about my parenting before. But this was awful.

I have no excuses for the way things went yesterday but I will say, I am an extremely busy mom. I work from home, take care of my little booger, and I am a full time student. Being a student takes up so much of my time. My classes range anywhere from 3 hours to 4 hours and 45 minutes. I go to school year round and my semesters are only 12 weeks long. This breaks down to: one NIGHT of my classes equals out to 4 WEEKS at a regular university. I get more homework than anyone would even want to attempt to try. But I get my stuff done though my juggling everything is awful.

 Back to yesterday…. I’ve been so busy working on my final projects for my classes, which consists of WEEKS of planning and preparation. One of my finals is to write a minimum of 6 pages over my topic of choosing. I chose to write about the advantages and disadvantages of being a single parent. I had to interview multiple people, analyze their answers, do other research, and throw it all into a paper. This has taken up SO much of my life lately. I’ve been blind to the fact that I haven’t spent much one-on-one time with my daughter.

I didn’t realize how much time this stuff has been taking up until last night.

My daughter asked if we could have a sleepover in my room and I agreed. We go through our nightly routine and finally get into bed. I look over at her and she’s on the verge of tears. Instantly, my heart fell. I knew I had done something to hurt her and I had no idea what.

I asked her what was the matter and she responds with “I don’t know.” She still has her eyebrows furrowed so I ask again. She, once again, responds with an “I don’t know.” I then tell her I cannot help if she doesn’t talk to me.

She stares at me for a second before turning over to be face to face with her. Her furrowing brow disappears and tears start to form in the corners of her beautiful little eyes. She then says, “You are too busy to spend time wiff (with) me.” My heart falls to the damn floor at this. She clearly sees the shock on my face and says again, “You are too busy to spend time wiff me. You are always doing your homework and I just want to play wiff you. You are too busy. Why can’t you just play wiff me?”

Shit. I had no idea that I was focusing so much on what I saw as important that I was ignoring what she saw was important. This won’t be happening again, I promised her of that.

This weekend, we are doing nothing but spending time together. No homework, no blog, nothing but time with her.

I’m a good mother sometimes. And other times, I completely mess-up. She’s now at the age that she can remind me of what is truly important. Family.

Don’t take these years for granted, readers. I never should have let my school get in the way of my parenting. My daughter needs me and I will never again make this mistake. It shouldn’t take my 4 year old calling me out on my shit for me to realize that I messed up. Lucky for me, she’s still extremely forgiving. Though I now owe her TWO movie dates with popcorn, candy, and pop. She drives a hard bargain, but it just means extra mommy-daughter time. 

Love your children. Spend time with your children. Don’t forget your children. When you mess up, ask for forgiveness. They love us no matter what; they’ll always forgive us on the small things.

Parenting is full of mess-ups. Hold on tight, it’s one hell of a ride.

-M.M ❤